Art, Music and Romance
by Clockworks' Angel
Summary: People keep things hidden for a reason, most people stick to themselves while others try to unravel the mystery's beyond the eye. But sometimes music and art can be clues to the puzzle. A man in a tree with a drawing pad, and a musician in need of some inspiration, one that would come from the most unexpected place. All characters belong to the amazing Cassandra Clare (all human)
1. Chapter 1- not my best move

**Hey everyone this is the first chapter of "Art, music** **and** **romance" rewritten! I hope you all enjoy it as much, if not more than before!**

Alec POV

I loved drawing, particularly landscapes, it was the beauty of my own surroundings and bring them to life that I loved most about it. I breathed in the air around me as the wind blew, rustling the leaves of the tree I was perched in. I got myself comfortable my A3 note pad in my lap and half the beautiful landscape covering the page, I must've fallen asleep drawing as I couldn't find my pencil and I felt slightly disorientated.

I leaned forward slightly to get a better look at where my pencil could have fallen and before I knew it I felt a burning pain stab through my lower back along with a silent yet still audio crack, "crap" I mutter to myself stumbling back up after falling from the tree.

"That was my new pencil" I said once again to no one in particular, feeling rather upset with myself. This was the fourth pencil I had gotten in the past week I couldn't find a good pencil since I lost flow (yes I named my previous pencil) Flow had been with me since senior year until recently, after two years of faithfulness she ran way to short, I could barely hold her let alone draw with her anymore, so I was forced to go on the hunt for a new favourite which unfortunately wasn't going to well.

I bent down to retrieve the two broken pieces of my pencil which was laying on the floor, when another ghastly wind swept past me this time sending shivers down my spine causing me too jump.

"You OK?" I heard a voice call out to me causing me to stop dead in my tracks and slowly turn around, this was where I found the most handsome man I had ever laid eyes upon and from there I couldn't bring myself to speak, trying to answer his question proved a difficult thing which resulted in a strange inaudible murmur.

When he opened his mouth again I was even further lost with my words. "I'm sorry darling I don't understand mumbling could you rephrase?" He grinned at me as he spoke and I felt myself melting and burning up all at once.

"Ahhh" I said this time looking up at this mysterious stranger, who had such a way with words and here I am making baby sounds at him like I never even learned how to speak English, maybe his beauty had some sort of power over people making them, so star struck by him that they could no longer function.

"aww you're too cute but sorry darling I don't speak ahhh either try again maybe this time English" the stranger said adding a sexy wink on the end.

(What the hell did I just call this guy's wink sexy?) I can only imagine the horrible shade of red my skin must be at this point and to top it off I was still mute with no words coming out my mouth although I desperately wanted to say hi it just…. just couldn't get the words to come out my mouth. So I did the only thing that I could think of doing and turned around ready to walk away, when all of a sudden I felt a hand rest on my shoulder.

"Don't leave," the man then paused for a brief second before continuing "please"

" w-w-w-h—y- n-n-n-ot" great I finally find my voice, and it sounds just as bad if not worse as the babbling, now he's really going to think I never learned to speak English properly. Ultimately, I just kept my fingers crossed that he understood what I had said and wouldn't run.

"Firstly, you haven't answered my question from before." He stated with a sympathetic look, something about him and the way he was looking at me, made me feel slightly flustered.

"W-w-w-w-h-h-a-t?" I asked sounding seriously stupid to my own ears and probably looking very confused.

"Oh, you are just too cute," wait what? "The questions where I asked you if you were alright."

Damn why does he have to be so sexy, err, I probably look like I'm a tomato the rate he's making me blush.

"U-u-u-m-m, yeah w-w-h-y y-o-u a-s-s-k?" damn it I sound so idiotic at least I got the 'yeah' out of my mouth without a stutter. I mentally slapped myself for not even construction the sentence properly.

"Really I just saw you fall from up there in the top of the tree." He said this with a dramatic gesture pointing to the top of the tree where I had been perched a mere 5 minutes ago, before tumbling to what felt like my doom, but that was in the past now and it turns out it wasn't my doom in the end.

"Umm well yeah it, it d-didn't hurt" wow I did it, I formulated a sentence almost stutter free in front of this beautiful man.

"Well I had better make sure of that, any one I can call?"

"I'm, I'm n-not d-dying you know, I-I I'm fine"

"I can see that you're not dying but, I just wanted to see if there was anyone I could call for you"

"Well umm no there's not but that doesn't matter." I couldn't believe I just told this man that, I had told almost no one (given that's probably because I know no one to tell).

I leaned down to pick up my drawing pad which at this point was on the floor because it fell with me, but before I could pick it up there was a glittery hand with blue finger nails on each of his long slender fingers.

"e-e-e-e-x-u-s-e-mm-e" shit the stuttering is back 'yay' I didn't even know why I was stuttering was it because I didn't want him to see my drawings? Well if it was that it was clearly too late to stop him he was already paging through the book like he was the art teacher and I his giddy, shy and emo kid.

"Wow these are amazing!"

"Uh thanks"

As I said that he took the drawing part of the broken pencil out of my hand and wrote something on the inside front page of the pad. What was he writing?

I was in two minds about taring my pad out of those slender hands, stopping him in his tracks but I was curious to know, the hopeful part of my mind wishing for his number and the logical part of my mind knowing it won't happen.

Curiosity got the best of me as I peered over his writing hand into the pad, the man however, kept covering the page blocking my view, he was infuriating, and I found it rather thrilling. After the fourth time of trying to sneak peek at what he was trying to do I gave up realising he wasn't going to let me see until he had finished what it was he was doing.

Rather than awkwardly watching him I checked my phone for the time since I had to be somewhere by 6.30. "shit it's already 20 past..." I mumbled under my breath not realising that my words had been verbalised.

The man in front of me looked up from the corner of my drawing pad, eyebrows frowned, it was cute, until he was looking up into my eyes, it felt like he was searching my eyes for every insecurity and it made me want to melt into him. What the hell am I thinking I've only just met him and I will probably never see him again.

"So, he speaks without a stutter." He says a questioning look in his eyes despite his statement not being a question, I felt my face burning with the tell tale signs of a blush.

Admittedly what I did next was stupid but I grabbed my drawing pad from him as quickly as I could and ran, I'm an idiot.

I don't know what came over me and why I ran but I did, it was the only thing I could think of doing in my petrified and nervous state, part of me had hoped he would try and stop me as he had before but he didn't, he let me run and it was a relief, maybe a disappointment too but mostly relief.

I ran until I got to the hospital, my muscles burning and heart racing, it was twenty to seven by the time I had arrived and I nearly kicked myself, Jem wasn't going to be too impressed at my tardiness. I walked through the hospital making my way to the psychological department slumping myself into my usual seat of the waiting room.

I knew my lateness would've led Jem to let someone else into their session, it would make sense I suppose, Jem is my councillor, the only person I could really speak too and even though he was paid to talk to me he was the closest thing I had to a friend and he knew it.

I took my time taking in the familiar surroundings, I'd been here enough times to navigate my way around the room blindfolded. Nothing had really changed since last week, the walls where still a shocking white colour, which I'm sure would blind you if you stared at them long enough. The chairs where still the same worn shade of maroon, a shade which was matched by the carpet covering the middle of the tiled floor. The only thing that really changed was the rotation of magazines sat on the small coffee table in the centre of the room.

The crayons laying on the edge of the table reminded me of the colourful man I had met earlier that day, who seemed to enjoy defacing my drawing pad.

It was then that I remembered that I still didn't know what he had scribbled in it, with that in mind I took the book out my bag, opening it to the page probably too eagerly.

 _ **Hey blue eyes, my name is Magnus by the way, I figured I wouldn't get to tell you since I had a feeling you would have to or want to leave soon. I would really like to know who you are since you are beautiful so with that said,**_

 _ **074 153 9918 call me ;)**_

He called me beautiful… that's no way true he was the beautiful one! He left his number… did he really want me to call him… he's probably already forgotten that he met me right? I mean he wouldn't notice if I didn't call him.

With that I closed the pad and put it away trying and failing at keeping my mind off of those green cat like eyes and the number written in my pad.


	2. Chapter 2 - Finding Inspiration

**Here we have it, Chapter two.**

 **Enjoy**

Magnus POV

Blue eyes, black hair, red cheeks, drawing pad and tree, that was what was going through my mind when I sat down at my desk my study, which compared to the rest of my apartment was very dull. The person who owned the place before me died in this study, I decided to leave it the same in her memory the rest of the apartment was shining a lot mostly because of the glitter sprawled everywhere but I loved it.

The room had a rather Victorian era feel about it, a wooden chair railing ran along the midsection of the wall, breaking the white paint, which has tinged slightly yellow over time. Red velvet curtains hung from the widows, I tended to leave them closed so I could concentrate better as the sun would shine right on to the dark pine desk reflecting from paper and blinding you

I had gone to the park in search of inspiration for a new album, I had been told it was beautiful and serene particularly at sun down. I had also heard of the mystical mountain top view which is what sold the location to me in the first place.

Upon making my way to the park I had not found the inspiration I was looking for but rather a different kind, the kind of blue eyes and shy boys, hints the thoughts currently running through my head.

In all honesty I had no idea the man in question was even there, until about half an hour into watching the sun setting and being lost in thought, when he fell from the tree top.

I search through the wooden drawers of the desk in search of a piece of paper and then scrambling for the broken pencil in my pocket. The blue-eyed wonder had been in such a rush to leave he neglected to take it back, I would therefore use this pencil to write my new album, which unbeknown to him would be dedicated to him.

I had just gotten myself ready to start, smirking at thoughts of the boy when I heard a knocking on my door.

Despite the lack of an answer two figures made there way into the room and I turned in my seat. "Woolsey, Will, ever heard of waiting for an answer?" I questioned with a raised eyebrow and voice dripping in sarcasm.

Woolsey Scott was my band manager, he had blond curly hair and had the tendency to remind me of an old professor despite his youth. At this moment however, he looked rather pissed off with Will which didn't surprise me.

Will is the pianist of the band, who now that I thought about it bore a similar appearance to the man who had been circulating my thoughts for at least the last hour, he had the same jet-black hair but rather than an ocean blue set of eyes his where darker and more of a bottle blue.

"We never knock magnus, what's got you looking so glowing this evening, you where really stressed out this morning?" Will questioned, he seemed rather moody too, probably at Woolsey."

"He can be happy if he wants William, personally I would rather him happy considering when he's happy he writes better music and seems to be the only one writing. " I can always count on Woolsey I thought before he finished hoping I' got away with not having to talk about the reason for my happy glow, but alas he continued talking and ruined it.  
"But I agree with Will, what's going on I haven't seen you like this since, well since, Camille." I hate him…

"Don't bring her up." I stated way to sternly for my own good it was something I didn't like or didn't want to talk about I just wanted to forget about her, I think about the blue-eyed beauty I had meet almost an hour ago, trying to distract myself from the conversation and I wonder if he has seen the note yet? I wonder if he has but just doesn't call because he isn't the least bit interested. Or wait was he even gay? And what did he mean when he said he had no one? Why was he in such a rush? I had so many questions for that darling man, the most obvious one being, what's your name?

"Earth to Magnus, buddy are you there?" it was Will this time, I must've been thinking for longer than I thought.

"umm yeah sorry I was just thinking about our next album… or something" I mumble and it definitely sounds like a lie.

"you know what I think Will, I think Magnus likes someone" Woolsey pipes up and I want to hit him.

"And who exactly would that be I'm too busy to even go out"

"Of course, too busy to go out. That's why no-one was home when we got here..." Will continued rather sarcastically for my liking, wait how long have they been here?

"Wait how long have you guys been here?" I verbalised my thoughts.

"Don't worry we only just got here we saw you walking into the front door, Will is just being a dick, so were where you then?"

I sighed in relief before answering, "Oh, I went for a walk trying to find some inspiration, not that it's any of your business."

"Did you find any?" Woolsey continued.

"I think so." I left the rest of my sentence hang as I walked into the kitchen switching on the kettle, "Coffee for Will, tea for Woolsey, right?"

I got a harmonized hum of please and it left me wondering whether that had been previously rehearsed but pinned it to a coincidence.

The pair stayed until about nine or ten as they usually did but I decided on an early night vacating to my bedroom at about eight with my phone hoping to have received a text or a call, anything from the man in the tree.

 **Let me know what you all think of the re write if you read the original, If you didn't and are reading this for the first time let me know what you think!**

 **Thank you :)**


	3. Chapter 3 - A text goes a long way

**Chapter 3 is up, hope you like it. :)**

Alec POV

After putting my note book away, I sat waiting for Jem, the note however was still playing on my mind as I contemplated calling him.

"Magnus…" I whispered to myself, it was such a beautiful name so fitting for its owner, it rolled off of my tongue to naturally and gave me butterflies which there was no doubt meant I was blushing uncontrollably.

I opted for putting the number into my phone staring at it for all of five minutes contemplating saving it, I knew I wanted to, I wanted to call him, and I wanted to get to know him but I still couldn't help feeling that I was just a pity case to him. I audibly sighed, looking up as the clock, I probably still had a while to wait so I pressed save on the new number and opened a text box. What the hell, what do I have to lose.

 _Hi this is the guy from the park… I know you asked me to call but I can't right now but yeah hi…_

I pressed send and couldn't help staring at my phone anxiously. After ten minutes he still hadn't responded so I figured either he hadn't seen it yet or he didn't know who I was and had already forgotten me so I just shoved my phone back in my pocket looking up when I felt someone standing next to me, it was Jem.

I guess it was a good thing he didn't text me back.

"Come on the Alec" He smiled kindly at me which was more than enough to get me blushing again, I stood up picking up my bag with me and followed him into his office.

The room was one of my favourite places to be it was so calming, a stark contrast to the waiting room. There where old paintings on the walls with a desk in one corner, which I had never seen Jem behind. The majority of the room was sofas and bean bags in a semi-circle arrangement.

I was pooled out of my thoughts with the closing of the door and Jem gesturing for me to sit which I did, choosing the same spot I always did, the sofa closest to the door.

I was used to these meetings with Jem, mostly he asked me how things were, if I'd met anyone, if had spoken to any of my family recently but the answers were always the same, good no, no and so on. Today wasn't much different and I hadn't told him about Magnus either I didn't know how he would react since he didn't know I was gay although it probably wouldn't be a bad reaction since he was a professional and seemed like an understanding person considering his profession.

The office phone began ringing and looking at the number Jem apologised saying that this was an important call and that it wouldn't come out of my time, I told not to worry and that it was fine as he proceeded to answer the call.

I took the time looking at the paintings on the wall which had been recently changed, it was then that I noticed one of my paintings and my face turned a bright red, it was of him and another man one of his friends I assume.

I had painted it for him soon after I started seeing him, he suggested I do something other than hurt myself and after talking about my love of drawing and painting he gave me a picture of himself with his silver hair and petite pretty boy face and another man with black hair and bottle blue eyes with a stern look about him. He asked me to draw it and bring it back next time, so I did, now here it was hanging behind his desk chair.

Once he had finished on the phone we spoke a bit more about various things leaving with a reminder to try and get back in contact with my family, a reminder I got every week and every week I would blandly ignore it.

Once I got home to my flat I walked into my, rather minimalistic and plain, bedroom shoving my drawing pad into a draw at my desk and slumping down onto my bed checking my phone.

One new message, that single notification had my anxiety flaring uncontrollably and my overactive mind going into over drive. What if it's Magnus… What if he realised it was a mistake and is telling me to fuck off.

I just stared at my old Samsung not sure what to do. In a way I was hoping it was Magnus but there was a small part of me that was wishing he had no idea who I was and left it at that. I closed my eyes and pressed the enter button to open the message. Slowly I let my eyes open and rest on my phone's screen. He remembered, he remembered me.

 _I was wondering when I would get a notification from a particular blue eyed angel, now I have a slight issue, I want to save your number but I have no idea what to save it under without your name_

Reading his message did nothing but heighten the anxiety I was already feeling and cause my cheeks to burn up even more, I mean did he just refer to me as his blue-eyed angel, or was it just because he was being nice and didn't know my name? Either way I'd better tell him my name if not to just avoid any other pet names which would make me blush, although it was late so he probably won't even see the message until the morning.

 _It's Alec_

It was a short and quick reply but what else was there too say? I didn't want to risk starting more of a conversation just in case I messed it up somehow, I know it's just a text and I could delete stuff before sending it if I messed up but despite it just being over text I was still awkward about it.

My phone vibrated in my hand and my suspicions of him already being asleep where proven wrong considering his reply was almost instant and filled my stomach with butterflies, why am I acting like a teenage girl about this….

 _Alec, as in Alexander right? I mean if so I'd save you as Alexander the great… That title is taken mhm we may have to settle for my Alexander the sexy._

God if I wasn't blushing before I am definitely blushing now, I mean this guy oozes confidence and is such a flirt, what am I doing?

 _Alec is fine_

My response was lame I know that but what else could I say to that, I was blushing too much and all the blood in my head was clouding my judgement, this man was too much and I like it.

 _Oh fine how about just, my Alexander?_

There he goes again using my full name with a 'my' in front of it, I had to correct him. I replied with a simple:

 _Alec_

 _Fine then, you can be saved as my Alec, how's that?_

There he goes again with the 'my' thing. How can he do that when we don't even know each other, how can he cause me to feel so flustered with a simple word.

 _I don't even know you._

Obviously, he doesn't see what the problem with the him calling me his at such an early stage, wait what do I even mean by that? Do I want to be his? Shit, I can't do this can I?

 _Your point being?_

 _Well, I just met you a few hours ago and you're already saying 'my Alec' what's with that?_

Obviously, I really can't deal with the way he's making me feel, I think I might be developing a slight crush for this over confident and handsome man, that's not bad is it? Jem is always saying I should stop fighting my emotions and that it's ok to feel them, but does that apply to this fluffy feeling in my gut?

 _I guess you could say that I'm a bit of a spoiled brat, if I see something I like, or in this case someone, I can't help but want it._

When I read that message I froze, not sure of what to say. I mean this magnificent man who goes by the name Magnus, hang on a second he goes by the name Magnus, he wore a lot of glitter, he wore make up and tight clothing... was he... oh hell no... he couldn't be... no frickin' way he was Magnus Bane! Was he? How did I not see that before?

This time instead of answering his previous text, which at this point I was totally avoiding since he couldn't have been the one to send it I sent:

 _Hang on a sec, are you Magnus Bane? You know the famous musician one?_

It took him a minute or two to reply but either way he did, and not with any less sass then before.

 _Well yes my darling I am, I thought you knew that, my name is outstanding and rather unique, I'm almost certain no one else has one quite like it_

I had to think for a bit before I answered. Why had it taken me so long? Maybe because I was in a psychologist ward I wasn't really thinking about whether he was famous or not but like hell I was telling him that.

Before I had the chance to even think about what to tell him. My phone started ringing with Linkin Park's song Numb. Shit! It was him. Why was he calling me? At this point my face had started burning up even more. After the intro of the song played through I finally got the courage to pick up the phone and press the answer button, much to my own surprise.

"Hello, my dearest Alexander." I could tell he was smirking and all I was thinking was, G _reat. He added a dearest to the my Alexander._

I didn't realise the lack of my own reply until he spoke again, "So are you going to be mute during the phone call too? It's cute and all but I would like the privilege of hearing your gorgeous voice again." I thought it might have been impossible by this point but alas I blushed even more, I pulled the collar of my shirt away from my neck taking a hard to swallow breath trying to get some air, now that I knew exactly who he was it made it even harder for me to talk to him.

"Ummm… Hi" Hi mumbled muffled by my shirt which I was trying to get off so I could get ready for bed.

"Hello." His voice is so silky and smooth and he has such a way with words it's unreal, he is so perfect, ok now I really sound like a crushing teenage girl.

"So you're.. ehh.. you're f-f-f-famous?" I said taking another gulp trying and failing to not stutter. It was a little easier to talk to him when he wasn't standing in front of me, but I was still a nervous wreck, I think I hate phone calls.

"Yep," he said popping the 'p' at the end of the word and then continuing, " I thought you may have known that when you saw my name. How did it take you so long?"

"Ummm... I don't.. I don't know." How the hell was I blushing so hard from just talking to him on the phone? Izzy listened to his music all the time, personally I'm not one for pop I'm more for the rock and metal but I don't think I should tell him that, I don't think I could even tell him if I wanted to.

"That's not really an answer, but I'll let it pass. Imagine me winking at the end of that sentence." _Who even says something like that?_ I asked myself although it was a pretty good image to go with his sentence.

"Okay, b-b-but w-w-h-y g-g-i-v-e me y-you-r n-u-m-m-ber if-f you'-r-re f-famous?" Fuck the stuttering is just getting worse!

"You are so cute when you stutter you know, but as for your question, I told you if I like what I see I want it." A valid reason, but why would he like me? Why would he want me, and why am I always asking myself these questions when I could ask him? I didn't have the chance to ask before he started speaking again.

"Well, my sweet Alec, I only called so I could tell you that your drawings are amazing. I would love for you to draw me sometime over coffee. Also, of course, so that I could hear your sweet, stuttering voice before I went to bed. I will text you the details for tomorrow in the morning, or at least later in the morning since it is now 1:30. Good night my dear Alexander."

"Wait what? What's happening tomorrow?" I said this so quickly I didn't even really know I was saying until it was out my mouth, which I suppose aided to rid the stutter for at least a sentence. I heard a little snicker from the other side of the phone followed by beeping which signalled he had hung up.

I took the phone from my ear and stared at it in confusion for a second before it vibrated in my hand with an incoming text: _Sweet dreams, babe ;)_

I looked at it dumbfounded before getting ready for bed, What the hell had I just gotten myself into, was the last thing I thought before falling asleep with the image of a certain sparkling, and famous, someone in my head.

I could hear what was happening around me before I was fully awake. I could hear Church clawing at something that was probably the bedroom curtain, but I couldn't be bothered about that now; he would pay later. Right now I was concentrating on the fact that I was happy and I was smiling. This _never_ happened, I usually woke up dreading the day ahead. _'Maybe seeing Jem is actually helping me_ ' the voice in my head said, although I knew the voice was wrong since I knew way too well it was the fact that I have Magnus'(THE MAGNUS Banes') number and he called me last night and we spoke for almost three hours, combining call time and text time that is.

When I thought that I immediately open my eyes and let out a content sigh. It was then that my phone's alarm went off. "Little late for that," I muttered to myself. Picked up the worn out phone from the wooden lamp table next to my bed and looking at the screen with one eye open and one eye closed. It was still way too early for such a bright light.

When I looked more carefully at the screen my eyes opened fully in shock at what I saw. 14 new messages and 4 missed calls! I had never had so many messages or calls on my phone all at once. Which I suppose made sense as there was no-one _to_ really call or text me.

4 of the messages were from Magnus. The first one was sent five minutes after we, by that I mean he, said goodnight.

 _OK I know I said I would tell you in the morning, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't sleep knowing you didn't know the details_ **.**

The second and third were set right after each other.

 _The details for our date tomorrow/today, however you want to think of it, are as following:_

 _Meet me where we met by the park, at the same time too._

The last message from him was sent a few minutes before my alarm went off, asking how I slept. I answered this one with a two-word text saying: _OK, you?_

I then went on to look at the rest of my texts. Three were from my sister telling me to 'answer the DAMN phone', which meant that the four missed calls were probably from her too. Why after almost three years would she want to talk to me now, and why leave so many calls? Something was up. I didn't bother with looking at the last seven messages and scrolled down my contact list searching for Izzy.

I found her rather quickly, as I didn't have many contacts, and pressed the call button.

"Alec! I thought something had happened!" This was the first thing she had said to me since the time after Max passed away and my parents kicked me out. Now, I was a little worried.

"Umm... Hi Iz. What's up?" I was pretty confused. The way she greeted me was a making me a little anxious.

"Alec. Don't you know?"

"What? What am I meant to know Iz?"

"I was so sure they would contact you..." Isabelle's voice was now sounding very confused, I didn't have time to ask her again about what was happening before she continued, "Alec, why aren't you at work?"

"Shit! Iz, what's the time?"

"It's almost eight, but don't bother going in." For a second I wondered why my alarm clock went off late before I realized it wasn't the first time it had gone off that morning. Another thought dawned on me; why was my sister telling me not to go into work?

"What? Why? I don't get money from Mom and Dad! I need to work!"

"Alec, just watch the news, I'm glad you're ok and can we please talk more I miss you." With that she hung up. Worry filled me; her voice had sounded so raw and sad, I guess the universe was forcing me to get back into contact with my family.

I stared at the phone for a second before looking at the rest of the messages.

They were all from work. _Crap, this is the part where they sack me for being late,_ I thought, but little did I know just how wrong I was.


	4. Chapter 4 - Band Practise

**Chapter 4 is here :)**

 **There is a trigger warning for this chapter but I have made it very clear where is starts and ends so you can skip the gore of Self harm and continue the story. If you are easily triggered please please please do listen to the trigger warning.**

 **The song is Feel again by One Republic, so I don't own that.**

 **Stay safe and enjoy**

 **Magnus POV**

"Great new everyone! I have some inspiration for our next album!" I entered the room more excited than I ever have been immediately walking handing out a piece of unfinished sheet music to everyone seated in the blue recording studio. "This is the first of many my dearies!"

"Was this a being of 'inspiration' you seemed to magically acquire after your visit to the park?" Will asked an obnoxious grin on his face, undoubtable still curious about what, or more appropriately who, this new inspiration was.

I was onto his games shooting him a dismissive look and continuing my, probably, over excited speech, "This one is called feel again, now chop, chop let's get on with this shall we?"

A rustling of paper pasted through the room along with mumbles of agreement everyone perching their sheet music on relevant stands and setting themselves at their instruments.

"It's been a long time coming since I've seen your face I've been everywhere and back trying to replace everything that I've had till my feet went numb. Praying like a fool that's been on the run Heart still beating but it's not working It's like a million dollar phone that you just can't ring I reach out trying to love but I feel nothing Yeah, my heart is numb" Alright maybe this first part, which also happens to be the chorus, is about how I was currently feeling in the situation, regardless I continued singing.

"But with you I feel again Yeah with you I can feel again, Yeah" It was rough but all first runs are as everyone tries to ensure that they are catching the right notes and sticking to the dictated tempo.

"Woo-hoo (x4), I'm feeling better since you know me I was a lonely soul but that's the old me" I say the chorus a second time continuing, "But with you I feel again and with you I can feel again"

We continued until we reached the end of the song and the entire time I was thinking about the meeting I had with my blue- eyed boy, only adding to the emotion in my vocals.

"Wow! This is really good," Woolsey said, smiling at me approvingly, since my early retirement the night before I had told Woolsey about the boy, he was the only one, I didn't want to scare Alec off quiet yet.

"Thanks Woolly," I said grinning at the nickname I just gave him.

"Yeah, it was good, we want more! What's the album gonna be called, man," It was Simon who spoke now. As the nerd of our group he was the technical producer, or as Will says, the technical geek.

"All in good time." I said, sounding like I had it hidden only to keep suspense going when in reality I still had no Idea

The band was spit balling ideas trying to guess what I might be calling the album as well as what they think it should be called. On top of that I now had them all ganging up on me, Will being the ring leader on this one, about where my sudden burst of inspiration has come from but I was determined to keep Alec my little secret for now, he seems rather jumpy I wouldn't want these guys let loose on him too soon.

The conversation soon switched from albums and inspirations to Wills boyfriend Jem, who tagged along today as he often does, I was brought back into the conversation and out of my head soon enough.

"Jem come on, Pleassssee!" Simon was begging, you see Jem played the violin and is an incredibly talented musician, which everyone, myself included was determined to bring into the bad. Jem on the other hand always had the same answer, no. The reason was due to Jem not wanting to be famous like the rest of the band, he very much liked his own privacy to the extent that he wouldn't even accompany his boyfriend to events for fear of his privacy being compromised.

"I told you guys I can't just leave my patients, they need me you kno-" Jem was cut off by his phone ringing.

"Hello?" He answered questioning, drawing everyone's attention to him making him visible uncomfortable, I continued to work on something else to give him his afore mentioned privacy with his phone call.

"Ok, Alec you need to calm down." Alec? Screw privacy this had my ears perked like a rabbit in the field. "Alec, it will be ok just breath, give me your address and I will be right there ok?" Jem paused turning to be briefly "Magnus pass a pen and paper quick please?" I silently obliged to his request trying in vein to not make it obvious that I was eaves dropping as he jotted down the address he was being given.

"Try staying calm and I will see you in a few minutes ok?" With those words he hung up turning back to us "And there we have the perfect example of why I can not under any circumstances join a famous band. That was one of my on- call patients, I have to go now, try getting something done ok?"

We mumbled our goodbyes begrudgingly as he gave Will a quick kiss goodbye, my mind however was mulling over the name, was it my Alec, and if so why was he on special call? I remember Jem once telling us that a few of his patients where on call due to being self-harmers, people with eating disorders or even just suicidal.

The idea of Alec having an eating disorder was quickly thrown from my mind as he had a rather lean muscular body which doesn't tend to be the sign of someone who struggles with food, did he harm or was he suicidal, how can someone so beautiful be so unhappy? He deserves to be happy and I should will do my best to show him happiness whether he was the one Jem was talking to or not.

 **Alec POV**

After Izzy had hung up on me I was curious as to why she was so worried about me, the even stranger part, other than her calling in the first place, was why she had told me to not bother going to work, where I was a waiter in a local deli. So, I scanned through the other unread messages of my phone hoping that their may be a slight chance of a hint at what was up with Izzy.

 _WHERE ARE YOU? YOU'RE LATE ALEXANDER LIGHTWOOD._

 _WHY? YOU'RE NEVER LATE._

 _ALEC GET HERE SOON. PLEASE._

The fourth of the messages had a complete change of tone as the previous four spiking my anxiety even more than it had been spiked recently, even during my encounters (in person and on text) with Magnus.

 _DON'T COME IN ALEC. SOMETHING HAS HAPPENED. CALL ME PLEASE SO I CAN EXPLAIN._

My boss, Hodge, was the one who had sent the messages, he really needs to learn that he doesn't need to use all caps in a text, I mumble to myself in a vein attempt to cheer myself up with a joke. I flicked through my contacts list in search of Hodges number hitting the call button without hesitation.

Hodge picked up the phone almost instantly, "God Alec, thank god it's you! It is you isn't it?" He sounded so worried, distress seeping through his voice, the background of the call sounded just as frantic as he did.

"Yeah. I'm so sorry I'm so late, I had a pretty rough night." I wasn't lying, talking to Magnus was pretty rough and then falling out the tree hurt a lot and to top it off the session with Jem.

"It's fine Alec, but listen," He paused for a brief moment before continuing, "The place was set on fire this morning, don't worry no one got hurt but the whole building was burnt to the ground."

I took in a sharp breath of air, silently absorbing the news about what had happened, now able to predict the rest of the conversation whereby Hodge will proceed to tell me I am now unemployed, but hey at least no one got hurt right?

"At least everyone is ok?" A lame response I know but what else could I say.

He continued speaking as if I had never said a word, "Unfortunately this means that none of us have jobs to go back to, I'm so sorry." Those where his final words before hanging up.

I stood with my phone still to my ear shell shocked at what I'd just heard despite having predicted it, I was frozen listening to the steady beeping of the device letting me know the call was over, the metronome of the sound much slower than that of my heart.

Slowly I lowered the phone, throwing it onto my bed followed by my body with a hard thud. What am I supposed to do now, my rent is soon due and if I miss it this time I'm bound to be thrown out. It was now that I wished I had at least one friend who could help me, and suddenly as if on que an image of Magnus appeared in my head. An image I immediately pushed away, he is a stranger, nothing but a stranger, I could hear the sadness seeping through my own thoughts.

After about half an hour of slowly slipping down the slope of self-pity the depression and anxiety started winning and all I could feel where those feeling again, the ones I've been pushing down for the past three years, the feelings that made my head spin and the feelings which led to me seeing Jem at least once a week.

I sat up, tear tracks I hadn't noticed before now effortlessly running down my face, it was then that I noticed my pillow was damp from crying. I got out of bed and made my way towards my desk digging the draw for my only friend, the only one that has always been there for me.

My pocket knife.

 **(Trigger Warning, don't read if easily trigger please)**

 **X**

 **X**

 **X**

 **x**

I drove the blade into my forearm, pressing it as deep as possible pulling right down to the tip of my middle finger. Bleed welling and dripping to the floor.

 **x**

 **X**

 **X**

 **X**

 **(Trigger warning over with only reference to self-harm to follow)**

As soon as I saw the blood I threw the knife to the wall, hearing the dull clatter as it bounced from it. A cry escaped my mouth and I fell to the floor in tears. _"You said you wouldn't do that anymore!"_ I screamed at myself. _'"You are so unbelievably stupid. Why do you do things like this?_ ' I need to talk to Jem. He did say if this happens to just call him. I need him he's all I've got.

 **Jem's POV**

I looked at the piece of paper in my hand with Alec's address hastily written on it heading towards the apartment, I needed to get there as soon as possible I know what he's like when this happens and for all I know it could be so much worse considering he'd managed to keep himself stable enough not to do this for just over five months.

On the phone he sounded so upset, his voice breaking in a way that could only mean he had been was still crying. I noticed the door was unlocked once I got there allowing me to let myself in.

"Alec, are you ok?" I called making my through the apartment to be met with silence, it wasn't long before I found him in the bathroom sitting in the shower in just his boxers water cascading down over him.

Getting closer I noticed he was indeed crying and the water was going a copper colour from the amount of blood it was mixed with. I also noticed the knife laying next to blood oozing from his arms and chest.

"Alec?" I approached carefully turning the water off and offering a hand to help him out.

"Jem, I'm so... so sorry... I just... I couldn't. I'm sorry." This was all he could say before he began to sob.

"Alec, its okay. You're fine, you're safe now," I had no idea what had caused him to relapse however, it was evident that it must be rather drastic considering his level of distress.

It took Alec almost an hour to calm enough for him to let me near his wounds to check and clean them as well as for a sentence to explain what had happened. Once they were all cleaned and dressed I took Alec to his room to get dressed in some clean clothes.

"Thank you, Jem," he said softly.

"I know this is a very difficult situation, but please next time call me before you hurt yourself. You're incredibly lucky you didn't need to go to hospital for these, but I do what to check them on Friday. Are you going to be ok if I leave?"

He nodded, wiping the tears from his eyes and cheeks and with that I said my goodbyes with a reminder to call me if the urge comes back at all.

 **Alec POV**

After Jem left, I made my way to the park, bringing my drawing pad with me. I still hadn't forgotten about Magnus and truth be told I couldn't wait to see him again. He was the most beautiful man alive. I was also sure that seeing him would get my mind out of its haze. My loss of control today had terrified me.

 **Thanks for reading hope you liked it, let me know what you think :)**


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